life / loss / love / me / RL / SL / thoughts / Writing

Define nothingness

There are times I have been in love, in lust, in ‘want more than anything’. There have been other times I’ve been broken hearted or jealous or mad as hell or betrayed. Here in this moment, today, I am in a nowhere place. Not in love with anyone, not missing someone as such, not falling for somebody new. It’s a quiet place. A solitary place. I ask my heart what it wants but it has no answer. I know I’ve often needed alone time to heal from difficulties I have experienced; this year is no different in that respect, but overall I am a passionate person and right now I miss ‘feeling’. I’ve always been more of a wild, unpredictable sea than a calm lake. To be numb requires very little energy, which is necessary when you have been mentally and emotionally overburdened. But after a while it also feels like being lost to the world, I think. Disconnected. Like I’ve logged out of life, somehow. Maybe it’s crazy, but I miss the storms.

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