So first, the SL stuff. I have added a new work at my in-world gallery. If you have been following this blog at all, you will know how much I fell in love with The Trace when I visited there. So my newest piece of work is from there. I chose the Lighthouse as the subject of my picture, but honestly, I am in love with every inch of the wide open spaces, the spiky beach grass, the wind-blown flowers, the clean blue of the sky, the gulls diving and calling over the constant rolling of the sea onto the shore. The man-made structures, shabby and weather-worn, sit comfortably and compliment the landscape around them. In my solitude at this place, all the natural beauty fills me up, and it’s a place where you can really feel at peace.
So below is my new picture available to buy, displayed at my gallery. Also, while I am on the subject, I have made a link-board to my Marketplace store, so anyone visiting the gallery, who touches the wall tattoo below, will be offered the link to there.
Oh, I guess I should put the LM to the gallery :) Spanki Moulliez Photography and Artwork.
So my thoughts, unrelated to the first half of this post, are these.
Sometimes, life can be very frustrating. People can be frustrating too. They don’t cooperate, they don’t listen, they make simple things complicated. This is how it is, to be human. When I was younger, I had a very short fuse. Zero patience. I had it in my head that if something is supposed to be a certain way, why are people not doing what they should, or being how I expected them to be! No, I won’t overlook that… no, I won’t forgive that… no, I won’t accept this… no, I don’t want to deal with that. ZOMGWTF, and so on, lol. I think it made me a not very nice person, most of the time. And yes, okay, there were many reasons why I had grown up to be that person. But the reality I had to learn is, there comes a time when you have to stop blaming the past and what people did to you, and start taking responsibility for how you are behaving in the Now.
There came a point around the beginning of this year, that I started to ask myself how was it that I had such high standards for everyone and everything around me, when I was so far away from that myself. But I think that was the point, in many ways. I didn’t like me very much, for way too long. I was a messy person, in a messy life, with a messy head. I had this strong desire therefore, for people and situations around me to be stable, steady, reassuring, predictable, so at least I could rely on them, if I couldn’t rely on me. All my focus was on these relationships and life situations, to make me feel better about myself, no matter how badly I behaved. But you can’t fix the past by recreating problems in the present and trying to achieve different results. And it didn’t take much to go wrong to upset me into a panic, that I was losing control of how I thought I needed things to be to survive. But then I discovered some stuff. Here’s the stuff that helps me now.
The primary lesson I learned was this one. Somebody taught me, that forgiveness is the letting go of the idea that things can be any different than they are.
The letting go of the idea that things can be any different than they are.
Apply that to any situation in your life that has hurt you, and see if you feel differently about it. I know I do. It’s like, I suddenly stop fighting whatever it is. I suppose that’s what they call closure. It’s true that forgiveness is not about the other person(s), it’s about freeing yourself. That means, you don’t necessarily have to accept people or situations back into your life, if they have hurt you beyond repair. If someone treated you very badly, you have the right to remove that person from your life. If a situation is hurting your life, you have the right to change that situation. Accept those people, or those situations for exactly who or what they are, and move on with your life. But don’t stay angry, or hold onto the hurt. That ain’t changing what happened. Apply the lesson, and let go. Free yourself.
Hand in hand with this method of coping with life is kindness. Be kind. If it’s fixable, fix it. Life is too short to dwell on grudges or small hurts or failures. And btw, let go too of the idea that you are in control of anything. Remember that saying that goes, ‘life is what happens when you are busy making other plans’. We all are weak, we all make mistakes, we all lose our way, and let each other down. I want to be loved anyway, in spite of all that. And so I must love anyway, in spite of all that. And I do, with a fire that’s equal to how much I long to be loved in return. I have so much love for the people around me now, and for this difficult, beautiful life I’ve been given. I’m still a messy person, with a messy head, and a messy life, but I accept me for that now. I can even say I love me, not in spite of that, but because of that, and other people too. The painful situations I have been through in life, some of it done to me, some of it self inflicted… in the end, they have opened up my heart. Even the one I’m not ready to let go of yet. But that’s for another day.
Well, I don’t know why I wanted to share all that, but there you are. I hope some of it makes sense to someone.